Every year marriages and relationships are tested by the Christmas season. It’s a high pressure time of year in many ways. Frustration, overwhelm and dashed expectations can erode connection and trust. January is one of the busiest times of year for divorce lawyers.
When you come together as a team, however, it can be magical and memorable. It creates those Christmases we all remember – filled with Warmth, Joy and Love. That energy carries into the New Year and starts things off on the right foot.
Here’s a few tips for having a happy marriage with more “Merry” this holiday season:
#1 – The Gauntlet
Guys, here’s a challenge for you.
You know you’re a producer. Making things happen and being at cause is what gets you up in the morning. You were made to serve. And yes, you want to make your wife / partner happy above all else.
Guess what? She wants you to be those things for the family too! How perfect is that? Yes, despite the power struggles and disagreements, she wants you to pick up the GAUNTLET. She wants you to be the MAN. Not the stereotypical overbearing, aggressive and egotistical man. She wants you to be the the man who serves…The man who makes it his business to make others feel comfortable and welcome…The man who is the king of his house, and as such, won’t be satisfied unless everyone leaves his house satisfied.
This Christmas pick up the gauntlet. Make sure your guests are looked after. Pay attention to your spouse and be a team. Let her know she isn’t in it alone. If you’re at someone else’s house, make it your business to support the host. Be the man who makes things easier for everyone else. That’s a LEADER. That’s who YOU are. That’s how you will be her HERO this Christmas. And that will make her happier than anything under the tree! Just sayin’…
#2 – The King-Maker
Ladies, you are the planet’s natural nurturers. You look after people. You have magnetic energy.
The greatest thing you can do for your guy this Christmas, and what will have him be his best for you, your family and your guests, is to let him be your hero. That’s not nearly as difficult as it sounds, and it doesn’t cost you a thing.
It’s as simple as being genuinely appreciative of what he does. Men are driven by appreciation that feels good, so don’t be stingy. When he helps with supper, or clears the table, or refills your drink, or cleans up the wrapping paper, or picks up the in-laws, let him know you appreciate it. Thank him, and make sure he knows you mean it. Even if he doesn’t do it the way you would, or if it occurs as “wrong”, find something you can approve of. This WIN will have him wanting more of that feeling, and wanting to do more for you and your family. It’s a win-win.
#3 – Choose Happy
It’s so easy at Christmas to get frustrated and overwhelmed. The constant coming and going of people, the busy malls, the commercials, the decorating, and cleaning everything up…whew…it’s a lot to handle.
The trick is to remember what Christmas is about. It may sound cliche, yet it’s easy to forget. Christmas is about family. It’s about giving (gifts, time, effort, whatever). It’s about connecting with people you may not have seen for awhile. If you’re Christian, it’s about Jesus, a man who was all about Love, Service and Goodwill. If you’re not Christian, Christmas is about offering the best of who we are to our friends, our family and the world. Keep that in mind, and BE that for each other. These ways of being provide a foundation for a happy marriage, and will make the holidays that much more fun, stress-free and memorable.
BONUS – LIVE the Above
Christmas is one day each year. The activities and gatherings can expand it to two or three days when we include Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Even the most generous definition limits Christmas to 12 days (that’s my favourite definition by the way). As awesome as it would be to have the Merry in your marriage during the entire Christmas season, imagine what it would be like to have that Connection, Joy, Trust and Fun every day, the whole year through.
Doing each of the above steps year-around will ensure that your happy marriage lasts more than just a couple weeks each year. Be her Hero. Find out what she wants, and make it your business to get it. Whatever he delivers, let him know how much you appreciate it. That “flow” of giving and receiving what you each want and need will elevate your relationship to a level you may not have experienced before.
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Please leave your comments below. Thank you and Merry Christmas!
To Your Greatness!