Effective communication in marriage makes everything easier and more rewarding. Learning to ask for what you want is a key practice for sustaining a healthy and satisfying relationship.
Over time, frustration and disappointment set in when we’re not getting our needs met. We start living in a sea of blame where no one can do anything right.
On the other hand, if we can learn an effective way of asking for what we want right from the beginning of our relationship, we can experience sustained satisfaction even in the face of breakdown. It’s a practice that will always move us forward if we do it right.
Couples say to me, “I DO ask for what I want, but my husband / wife doesn’t listen to me,” or, “I don’t get what I want anyway, so what’s the point?” The biggest reason requests aren’t fulfilled is that the requester isn’t paying attention to the energy or the tone that accompanies his or her requests over time. It’s a simple dynamic, and you will see it in your own relating if you look closely enough. I call this the “Red Carpet”!
We are always rolling out an energetic red carpet for others to land on when we interact with them. Being aware of the carpet, or tone, we are offering people is the first step in making effective requests.
The energy we are offering is often apparent well before we have even opened our mouths to make a request. If we have doubt and anger on the end of our red carpet, any request we make is contaminated. The doubt and anger act as interference to effective communication in marriage. This automatically makes the request unattractive. No matter what you’re asking for, if an unsavoury tone comes with the request, it’s very unlikely that the request will be honoured.
Flip your tone to either a neutral or positive one, and your partner will be more open to you and to fulfilling what you asked for.
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To Your Greatness!