This one trick can transform your relationship or marriage, once you commit to it. Like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, this secret can “shapeshift” your relationship from what it is to what you know is possible. The best part is that you are 100% in control, so success is guaranteed if you are committed to the process.
What is the secret? It’s FOCUS.
In his book, God’s Message to the World, Neale Donald Walsch puts it this way,
“A person’s subjective, or inner, decision can and does affect a person’s objective, or outer, experience….Metaphysics goes one step further. It says that a person’s interior holding of an event can actually change the event itself. In other words, a positive attitude about any negative occurrence can actually transmogrify the occurrence itself – even as it occurring.” Walsch, p. 144
In other words, how you think about something…or someone…or what you place your focus on tends to be what you see. This occurs on a couple levels.
First, what you focus on is what you see because it’s what you’re looking for. When he doesn’t take the garbage out right away or when he forgets your anniversary, it confirms your complaint that he is forgetful or doesn’t care about you. When she takes too long getting ready, or when she seems to dismiss your ideas, it just verifies your belief that she doesn’t respect you or that she doesn’t need you. You have a perception about that person, and you focus on what reinforces the perception, because…well…we all like to be right, don’t we? Just sayin’. Imagine what would happen if instead of focusing on what bothers you about your partner, you consciously look for what has you be pleased and feel good? There’s no self-righteousness in this question. Donna and I watch ourselves like hawks in this regard everyday.
At a deeper level, however, science is showing that what you focus on actually generates your physical experience. This is what Neale is pointing to in the above quote. How is this possible he asks? Neale provides an answer.
“It is possible because everything in life is energy. And energy affects energy. It is a phenomenon that impacts upon itself. Science observes this through quantum physics, which posits, as we noted earlier, that nothing that is observed is unaffected by the observer...This is pure science, not hocus-pocus.” ~Neale Donald Walsch, God’s Message to the World, p. 144
So what is there for you to do?
The challenge, and the opportunity, is in choosing to focus on something new. Lay down new thought paths that move you, your partner, your relationship and your life in the direction you choose. What does it mean to lay down new thought paths? Donna explains it this way.
As we become accustomed to thinking a certain way, we lay down a neural “path”. As we indulge our various thoughts, we fall into our most common thought pathways with greater and greater ease over time. Think of it like a field, blanketed with fresh untrodden snow. The first time you walk across it, you are creating a path. If the snow is deep it can be difficult to proceed. Each successive time you cross the field, however, you widen the path and the journey becomes easier and easier as you simply fall into the footsteps and routing you laid previously. Eventually you may want a change in scenery so you choose to walk a new path. As with the first path, creating the new route can be tricky at first, but it becomes easier and easier the more you use it.
What’s great is that you don’t need to start from scratch. A path has already been laid. You are with this person for a reason. There was something you saw about him or her that had you chose to be with them. Remind yourself of what those traits are, and choose now to focus on them again. Be relentless. Be committed.
If you stumble, as happens on every journey, get up and re-focus on what you love about him or her. Those qualities are still there. We promise. Eventually, the path will become laid, the process will get easier, and your relationship will shift.
This isn’t just a mental trick. As Walsch points out in the above quotes, changing how you hold an event, circumstance or your relationship actually changes – or as Neale put it “transmogrifies” – the event, circumstance, or relationship in alignment with your dominant thought about it.
If, in this process, you need a little nudge, give us a call. Why? Because sometimes we see what we see in people because we don’t know any other option or explanation. It’s like someone built a mental brick wall lining our thought path, so we only see one route. We have never been shown that something else could be going on with him or her, or that what’s going on is actually occurring for a different reason than what we’ve assumed.
That’s what we do. We gently break down that wall and show that other options are possible. Our “Between Men and Women” couples relationship retreats, private 1-on-1 marriage counselling alternative and relationship coaching programs show you what’s really going on for men and women, so that you have other options for what to focus on beyond what you previously believed about your partner. We highlight the perfection in who you and your partner are (and always have been) so that you can focus on what’s real and what’s positive in your relationship rather than on your assumptions, misunderstandings or predispositions. You will move forward with understanding, empathy and compassion. Click below for the next dates and all the details, and then call us to have all of your questions answered:
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To Your Greatness!