I have two cards on my desk in my office. Both are from Donna. One is a entitled “For my Guy”. It’s very cool. The other has on its front a simple black and white photo of a young boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old, with his arm around a little, frizzy-haired girl as they walk through a park.
Donna and I love that second card. It’s a reminder of the innocence, purity and willingness to connect that kids seem to live effortlessly. That innocence is still in each of us. It seems, however, to become buried under the fears, frustrations, responsibilities, misunderstandings and disappointments we pick up as we grow older. As a result, we erect walls between ourselves and others. We tend to become suspicious and cynical. We lose faith in the wonder of life and in the people on this journey with us (who, by the way, are just as afraid as we are…Just sayin’).
Of course, this loss of innocence and trust happens in our personal intimate relationships, perhaps more than anywhere else. We put up walls when we get hurt, when we are lied to, when promises aren’t kept or when plans don’t materialize. When you get past these walls, however, not only will you and those around you feel better and more connected, there is a very real power you and your partner have together.
There is a simple way to start rebuilding the natural innocence and trust we all crave in our relationships. In fact, it’s a quick and easy exercise Donna created for a workshop we used to do called the “Gender Gym”. You can do it right now. All you need is a pen and paper and an open mind.
Here’s what you do…just become aware of what you are focusing on about your partner. Write down 10 things you love about your partner today. Write down 10 more things you loved about your partner when you first hooked up. Are any of them the same?
Realize that the traits you loved about your partner years ago are still there. You can still trust him or her like you once did if you choose to. The difference is that now there are more reasons to do so because you know them better and have had more experiences together. It’s just a choice to focus more on what you love about your partner than what you don’t. Focus there for a few weeks and notice the difference in how you feel.
Having your “heart-nership” evolve in the direction you want it to go is about understanding the invisible conversation that is always going on between you and your partner. For the complete blueprint of the perfection there is between you both attend an upcoming “Between Men and Women” Couples Relationship Retreat. For dates and details click here:
As always, come back to comment on this post and on your experience if you tried the exercise.
In the meantime, Be Great!