A comment we get consistently from clients is that the retreat was "easier" than they expected. What they mean is that they expected it to be uncomfortable and painful, and it wasn't. They were pleasantly surprised to say the least.
“I felt comfortable right from the beginning of the retreat. I learned how a woman thinks, and how being a man can contribute to her realising her needs and wants. Seeing my wife be comfortable as a woman is my goal. It makes me feel like a true man.”
-Aaron Hudkins, Heavy Equipment Operator (Lacombe, Alberta)*
You see, there's a common belief...a myth...that for transformation to occur in relationship you have to focus on the "problem", the pain point and/or the breakdown. As a result, clients have confided in us that prior to the retreat, they were nervous that during the weekend they would feel uncomfortable, be put on the spot, be made wrong, or be blamed. This is particularly a concern for men. This perception is unfortunate because it stops people from taking the action that will move them forward in life and relationship.
If the above reflects any of your concerns about transforming your relationship, we promise that your "Between Men and Women" journey will be a pleasant surprise. You won't be blamed or made wrong. You won't experience confrontation, and it won't be painful.
How can we make such a claim? If we don't focus on the "problem", you might be asking yourself, how will things get better? That's a great question.
After leading "Between Men and Women" Couples Relationship Retreats for almost 10 years, we know that the problems our clients experience (i.e., poor communication, disagreements over finances, etc.) are real, but they are not the ROOT problem.
The root cause of these problems are the "context" in which the relationship exists. Rather than focusing on the immediate issues that dominate the foreground (like money, infidelity, or communication), our focus is on the root cause. We focus on the background of the relationship.
In other words, we focus on the context, or the environment, in which the relationship takes place. This context is hidden from view. It includes how men and women "hold" one another. How they view one another. It's about the understanding, or lack there of, of who their partner is - who they are naturally and fundamentally.
Think of it like this. Imagine crossing a dark room that is full of furniture. Every few steps you're likely to bump into a couch, or a love seat and then bang your knee on a coffee table. While crossing the dark room, the furniture occurs as a problem.
Now imagine entering the same room. This time, however, there is a light switch on the wall by the door. Before entering the room you switch on the lights, and make your way across the room without a single bump, nick or scratch. The furniture is in the exact same place as in the first room. In this case, however, the context is different. The environment has changed because the lights are on. With this new context, the problem of the furniture is easily navigated.
The same is true in your relationship. The furniture of your relationship, so-to-speak, are the problems you are dealing with...poor communication, infidelity, arguments over money, him not seeming to listen, her changing her mind. Whatever it is for you.
In "Between Men and Women", we don't need to go into the details of these issues because we turn the lights on. When the lights are turned on - i.e., when you understand who you and your partner really are; when you get how different you are and why - the context of your relationship shifts naturally and permanently. The edge is taken off your problems almost immediately. You will be much better equipped to navigate the room of your relationship with the light of this new awareness shining brightly. You will stop bumping up against your partner as often.
While we don't focus on any individual couple's problems during the retreat, we want to know what problems you are experiencing so that we know what "lights" to turn on. That's why Donna has a "Discovery Call" with each individual participant before the retreat. By understanding the issues in the room, she can target the conversation appropriately to ensure that your particular light gets turned on, allowing you to navigate your relationship with greater ease, peace of mind and enjoyment.