When it’s good with her it’s “good”. You feel like a million bucks when she’s smiling. You know it’s not your “job” to make her happy, but you sure wish you could. It’s gotten to the point that before you even open your mouth you just KNOW you’ve done something wrong, even though you’re not exactly sure what it is. In fact, how it might be for you now, is that you can’t do ANYTHING right, and you’re starting to think, “Why bother trying?”.
You find yourself setting up boundaries and blocks to protect yourself from this never-ending sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness you’re getting from her. You wish she would notice all the things you DO for her and the family. You’re starting to think she’s unappreciative. She wants you to take more of the “lead” regarding the house and/or family. When you do, she either lets you know you’ve done it wrong OR she doesn’t see the value in how you’ve done it. She’ll take someone else’s word over yours. When you get into conversation with her, she jumps all OVER the place and doesn’t stick to one thing. She often doesn’t believe what you’re saying. She thinks you’re ”withholding” but you’re not.
When you agree to have difficult conversations, you always seem to be talking about the same old thing and it never really “gets” anywhere. She keeps saying, “You don’t get it, do you?” You think you do get it, and secretly (and maybe not so secretly) you think there is something wrong with her… that she’s “asking for trouble”… that she may even be a little “crazy”.
You give great advice, ideas and suggestions and can’t figure out WHY she would prefer misery over listening to your ideas. The longer this goes on, the more you disengage. It’s gotten to the point where you don’t say what’s really on your mind because she’s not going to hear you anyway, you’ve just stopped talking about THOSE things. How can she be missing all of the great things about you? Are you really that much of a failure?
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