One Woman’s Scenario: Is this familiar?
Even if it was good in the beginning, you notice you’re no longer as comfortable in the relationship as you’d like to be, and you can’t ignore it anymore. You don’t feel safe. He’s not “getting it”. You don’t feel heard. Even though he might be hearing what you’re saying, you know he’s not REALLY understanding. It happens TOO often.
You try to explain something important to you, and he ends up making it about himself, gets defensive and once again, you feel unheard. You can never quite get to ground zero with him, where you can reset and get reconnected. He either gets mad or shuts down and leaves the room before hearing you out. OR … he just doesn’t talk at all and you wonder, “Is there anybody IN there?”
You’re really nervous that he’s not getting where you’re coming from and you’re just not sure what to do next. You know he’s not stupid, so now you’re starting to feel horrified at the idea that “he’s just selfish”, and you’re mad at yourself for not seeing it before. You worry about what the future for you and your family will look like … will it be like this forever?… how can I change this? When you have a conversation with him, you sense he just wants to end the conversation as quickly as possible and has you feel anxious. It feels like you never really get a chance to explain yourself. You may have stopped talking LONG ago because of this. You know that’s not the answer but at least it protects you from unnecessary struggle and disappointment.
You get this sense that you’re always walking on eggshells. He seems to judge you, and you think he’s missing who you really are or what’s REALLY going on. You hate that he would be willing to pretend there’s nothing going on, and you’re sick and tired of being on edge, instead of addressing things.
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