Have you ever wondered what it would be like to get back to how it was when you first got together? That sizzle…that energy…that excitement…that passion? And this isn’t just about sex. It’s not even mostly about sex. It’s about that way of being in life together.
Re-establishing it can be especially difficult after being together with your partner for many years. For men, achieving it would be nice. It’s fun. For women, achieving it takes on a different level of significance. They crave it. They thrive on it. They feel like they are dying without it. They might even be willing to risk everything to get it – to shoot a proverbial hole in the boat – and even end the relationship if they aren’t aware of what’s going on.
Getting clear on “what’s going on” is an important outcome of the “Between Men and Women” program. And it has nothing to do with blaming, finding fault, or fixing anyone. It’s about understanding who men and women are naturally so they can make choices coming from what’s real. They will know what each partner needs to be satisfied, happy and fulfilled with neither person having to compromise who they are or becoming dependent on a therapist.
So, since we’re about understanding what’s really going on…Here’s what going on with the latent sizzle-factor in relationship?
Like we said, men like the sizzle and excitement because its fun. With that said, they are more naturally drawn to and feel more comfortable with a predictable and steady-state. It’s here that men are able to do what they do best – produce for themselves, their family, their employer and their business. For this reason, men can seem complacent or content when the “passion” seems to be waning. Disrupting the stability isn’t the natural thing to do for most men.
For women, this steady-state is suffocating. It’s painful. It denies who they are naturally. The energy, sizzle and excitement women crave in relationship is part and parcel of what it means to be a woman – vibrancy, unpredictability, beauty and being desired. Most women don’t fully understand themselves what this is about, yet it’s like oxygen to them nonetheless.
Given this seemingly contradictory state of affairs, what’s a couple to do?
Ladies, you may feel uncomfortable hearing this, but you steer the boat in relationship. You do this with, and through, what you want. Or, more precisely, with how you feel about getting what you want. You are led by, and you lead with your desire – with what you want in life. And this is a great thing to be nurtured and celebrated! Therefore, it’s really important that you be clear about what you want and then own it.
A lot of women, however, are not. This is frustrating and scary for you. You want the sizzle and excitement, but you don’t know if this is okay. You wonder if it’s still possible with your husband, or do you have to get it somewhere else? What does it say about you that you want it? What if you can’t re-ignite it? This uncertainty has you be “edgy”, and even question your own attractiveness – that is, your ability to attract what you want into your life. It’s this edginess that has you be willing to shoot a hole in the boat and put at risk what is otherwise a great relationship. Men and women need to know this.
Men, this is where you get to be her hero! You can produce the sizzle and thrill she craves. Compliments… notes…surprises…touches…romantic dinners. It might take you out of your comfort zone, but she will be in hers, and when she is in hers you will get her magic sprinkled all over. You will get a taste of the sizzle you like, and she will live the sizzle that defines her. Everyone wins!
Men and women are the perfect complement to one another. To discover why, and to learn how to have this work in your relationship and life, join us for an upcoming “Between Men and Women” small group retreat, or for your own “Between Men and Women” private intensive program. Click here for full details and to discover what you can expect.