To reduce stress in marriage is critical. With Covid-19 creating a lot of uncertainty for people, there are at least two paths many couples are heading down. One path could be that they are closer and more connected than ever. The other path is that they are being pulled apart.
Regardless which path you feel you are on right now, potential financial instability, the challenges of providing care for the kids who are home from school, worries about your own health or those you care about, and just kind of going stir-crazy if you’re self-isolating or just because there’s nowhere to go, are all stressors that can create challenges for your relationship. This article is about how to reduce stress in marriage for your own good, that of your partner, and for the relationship as a whole.
Rather than letting stress take the upper hand, here’s a few tips for how to reduce stress in marriage, and keep your relationship on solid ground regardless of what’s going on around you:
1) Remember…you’re a TEAM.
Trying to handle today’s mounting potential stressors alone will burn yourself out and push your partner away. You’re a team. That’s what you signed up for when you said, “I do.” Handling challenges together, makes the challenges that much smaller. What’s more, when you work together, you come together. It builds your trust, grows your resilience, and cements your connection. Why do you think businesses pay a small fortune to build teamwork within their organizations? It yields profits…for companies, that means more money. For couples, that means more happiness.
2) Have fun TOGETHER
Building that connection, however, doesn’t always have to involve putting out fires. Have some fun! Do fun things together. Cuddle on the couch while watching a good flick. Play games together. Daydream about future plans. Go for walks. Have romantic date nights, even if you’re self-isolated (Jason’s parents did this at home all the time when he was young!) And, of course, have sex! More and more people are seeing that the real opportunity of COVID-19 is to do things differently than in the past. You can either come through this (and you will come through it!) in the same place you are now, a worse place or a better place. Why not use this time, and the challenges it presents, to do things for your relationship that will have you come out the other end more connected, more committed, and more in love than ever before!
3) Take a stand for your spouse’s PEACE OF MIND.
Respect who you and your partner are naturally. I don’t have time to explain that in detail. It takes two full days to do that in the retreat. Suffice it to say that you and your spouse are different. Men are producers, and aren’t comfortable being at effect, so when things seem out of their control they can see themselves as failing. Encouragement, support and appreciation can make all the difference to him. Women respond to stress and lack of control by feeling vulnerable and unsafe. Letting her know you’re there and that she isn’t alone is important. Having a plan is priceless.
4) Watch out for each other – HAVE EACH OTHER’S BACK.
Both men and women can emotionally “self-isolate” themselves from their spouse when things get tough. When men feel stress, talking about it can make things worse. For men, talking about stressful events causes cortisol (the stress hormone) to rise. Pressuring him to talk, albeit well-meaning, is likely going to push him further away. Just be there for him if, and when, he wants to talk. When something isn’t going a woman’s way, and she feels stressed about it, a common thought is, “if this is going to get done, and get done right, I better do it myself.” She pulls back, and tries to do it all herself. As a result, she’s miserable and resentful, and he feels like a failure. Nobody wins. Guys, this means stepping up and letting her know, through your actions, that you’ve got “it” handled, whatever “it” happens to be on any given day.
5) AVOID BLAME
When things aren’t going well, we have a tendency to look for a reason, and it’s usually not something we’ve done ourselves. We point accusatory fingers at our partner, and blame them for much of what goes wrong in the relationship. That puts us in the position of victim, and our partner is thrust into the position of villain. The victim-villain dynamic has only one outcome – it drives you apart when things get rough, which is exactly when you need to be working closest together. Instead of assigning blame, start by looking at your own role in the breakdown. Making changes there is the only thing you can control. When no one is at fault, you both want to be on the same team and can then work together towards the solution.
For the next dates of our “Between Men And Women” Couple’s Communication Retreat (now livestreamed!) click here!
To Your Greatness!